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Oh, nearly forgot—hrrrmph—me fave story! Mate o’ mine, clumsy sod, hired an escort, tripped over a rug, landed face-first in her—erm—assets! She just cackled, “First time’s free, love!” Proper legend! Sex escort life, innit—wild, messy, bit mad. Like me, really—stumblin’ through, hopin’ no one notices me pants are down! “City of God” taught me— “If you run, the beast catches you.” Escorts don’t run, mate—they strut! Respect, that. Oi, fancy a cuppa? I’m knackered typin’ this!

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I get all jittery and excited runnin’ my spa. It's wild how people's stories come in sweaty bundles every day. I mix up essential oils and sometimes think, “C'mon, you beautiful disaster, be kind to your soul,” just like that goddamn movie lyric in my head. It’s a mad, twisted blend of hope and heartache.

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