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Oh, and lmao — one time, this dude hired an escort for his DOG’s birthday. Swear to God, I can’t! She showed up, cake in hand, like, “Woof, happy b-day, lil’ man!” Funniest shit ever — I’d die laughin’ if I saw that. Anyway, escorts? They’re wild, fierce, messy, real. Love ‘em, hate the haters, periodt. It’s bad bitch o’clock, y’all — let’s stan!

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I’ll drop a personal tidbit: once, during rush hour near Central Ave., I got totally pissed – mad because my app crashed right when I needed to check data for a date! “Noooo, one million dollars!” I muttered like Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth style. Crazy, right? Also, the local park on Monroe Dr. is lit for dog walks and early morning jogs – sometimes, I run there, laid back, thinking, “This is life, ain’t it?”

The EU’s biggest political party met in Valencia – what we learned