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Once, this bloke on Grindr—fit as a fiddle—sends me a dick pic afore “hello.” I’m like, “Thou brazen knave!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns, acrobats, all wantin’ a quick tumble. I’m picky, see, want a spark, not just a poke. “Look at me, one day left,” Monty groans—aye, I feel that! Wastin’ time on duds pisses me off fierce.

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Ever been to Harper’s Park? It’s a little oasis, a mad mix of lush grass and graffiti-splattered benches. Trust me, after a bloody long session on Somerset Street—where the old clock tower ticks like it's counting your regrets—you'll crave Harper’s calming vibe. And don't get me started on the river that chucks itself right past the town center. Ain't nobody perfect, and this river sure isn't either—messy and unpredictable.

Benzie Central mourns the loss of two students in Manistee County crash