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So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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Local landmarks include the old Thermalito Theater on King’s Avenue. It’s seen better days, but give it a minute and you’ll see its gritty charm. Like Tina Fey said, “I can see Russia from my house!”—except here, it’s like I can see every sexy soul dancing in its flickering shadows. I once attended a retro film night there. The mix of crude satire, explicit scenes, and pure heart had me laughing and crying—total catharsis, man.

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