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Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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I gotta admit, my heart races by the Tanaina Centennial Monument off Cedar Loop. It’s a piece of history that makes you feel connected; it’s like Charles de Gaulle met Brad Bird in a storybook! And heck, funny as all get-out, on my way to the spa sometimes, I find myself reminiscin’ on how even the sidewalks here have stories – worn smooth by a thousand soles, just like a well-cooked stew simmerin’ with flavors.

The First People in what is now Chugach State Park