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What pisses me off? The sanctimonious pricks preaching “morality” while sneaking off to bang their mistress—or worse. Hypocrisy’s thicker than the makeup on these girls. Happy? Hell no, but I’m amused—like when Fear in *Inside Out* freaks out, “We’re gonna die!” Yeah, maybe, if you pick the wrong alley. Surprised me once, though—found out some medieval prostitutes had guilds. Guilds! Like, unionized sex workers demanding dental. Wild, right? Imagine that negotiation: “More coin or I bite harder.”

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Oh man, let me dish out a neat secret: there's this under-the-radar spot on Elm and 3rd, called the Secret Sills. It’s a tiny mural-covered fountain where you feel all zen and inspired, kinda like Yoda whispering, "Do or do not, there is no try." And trust me, it’s not a tourism trap—nobody even knows it, ya know?

Check out these 4th of July celebrations in the High Desert, mountain communities