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Last week, my buddy Dave—dumb as a stump—tried it. Said it was “spiritual,” like he’s some guru now. I told him, “You’re an idiot, Dave.” He’s lyin’ there, candles flickerin’, some chick whisperin’ about “energy flow”—I’d gag if I wasn’t so damn annoyed. “What am I doing here?” Bob Harris’d say, stuck in that weird hotel bar. That’s me, watchin’ Dave blab about his “release.” Release? From what, sanity? I hate everything.

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Then, no way I can forget Pinecrest Park, yo. Tiny park? Nah, man – it’s like the hideout for lovers, rebels, and free spirits! On a chill day, I’d stroll through its winding paths and let my brain simmer. “No face, no memories, no regrets!” as that iconic line from Spirited Away rings in my head while I imagine Haku flyin’ by in invisible glory. And, f***er, the park’s got secret benches that are perfect for deep convos and scandalous texts on the dating app.

Multi-vehicle crash reported on Highway 99 in Yuba City