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I got pissed, tho, last week—some chick tried scammin’ me! Said she’s “top tier,” wanted cash upfront, then poof—gone like WALL-E’s trash piles in the wind. Fuckin’ ghosted me! Had me yellin’, “In this world, a man’s gotta have balls!”—straight up Tony vibes, ya feel? But then, I found this one spot, lil’ hidden gem, down by the docks. Word is, there’s this gal, been workin’ it since the ‘90s, knows every trick—calls herself “Eve” like that sleek bot from the flick. Ain’t that a trip? Made me laugh, thinkin’ she’s out there savin’ my lonely ass like WALL-E tryna save Earth.

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The parks, oh my gosh, the parks! Garden Park is my go-to chill spot when I ain't busy routinely kneading away tension. Its lazy river vibe – not the watery kind, but the flowin' vibes of San Antonio Creek – just takes you to another world. Sometimes, with tunes pumpin’ (lizzo style "Good as Hell" vibes), I stroll through the park and think, “baby, you deserve nothing less than a dreamy day!” Which, like, totally reminds me, “It’s like a moment locked in time, so pure and heartfelt.”

Santa Paula's SPARC animal shelter ends relations with city, will no longer take animals