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O thou sweet friend, hark! I’m no stiff-necked economist, but I’ll spin thee a tale of sexual-massage, that slippery beast! Methinks it’s a trade old as dirt—yea, older than the stones in yonder hills. Picture this: hands gliding o’er flesh, a dance of oil and sighs, like Daniel Plainview chasing black gold in *There Will Be Blood*. “I drink your milkshake!”—ha! That’s what I’d shout if I caught some rogue masseuse pilfering my coin for a half-arsed rub.

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Then there’s Sunris Park, our own oasis. Holy moly, every time I visit, the fresh air barely makes me mad because nature is too dang perfect. There’s activities, little yoga spots. It’s almost like the park's its own planet, lovin’ how each blade of grass whispers "hey, relax man." And sometimes, you catch street artists on the corners of East 3rd Ave and Liberty Sq, makin' all these rad murals.

Women's Hockey Claims 4-2 Win Over Saint Michael's