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About New York City

I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area. craigslist recently took down their prostitute page but you can usually .

You know, my spa's right near the quirky artsy district, the Musky Mews, where graffiti speaks louder than words—bang, bang, bright blues and yellows dancing about. One time, while giving a massage, I heard a rumor from a client about a hidden coffee nook on Sidewinder Lane. Yess, Sidewinder! Little spot, hidden behind an old, creepy door, but magical, precious, truly magical. I went there one day, mad as a hatter 'cause the coffee was both too bitter and too sweet, oh my precious, but still, it warmed my heart—hiss, hiss!

Progreso, Mérida on hurricane watch as ‘Milton’ whips across the Gulf of Mexico