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Now, tie this to *The Turin Horse*, right – that flick’s bleak, slow as a dead horse draggin, and I love it. “The wind’s blowin fierce,” like the old man says, and I’m sittin there, gettin this sexual-massage, thinkin – life’s just this, ain’t it? Grind, then a weird rubdown. Little known fact – them old sailors, back in port, they’d get these “special massages” from dockside gals, traded fish for a feel, kept it hush-hush. History’s kinky, yo!

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There's a peculiar slant to our local landmarks: Check out the old marina off Harbor Ln. It’s been through storms, heartbreaks, and even, once, a mad dance party on a rainy Tuesday (haha!). And then there's the Central Park of Port-Clinton – not your typical manicured park but a sprawling green mish-mash with gnarled oak trees, a worn-out fountain, and benches that seem to whisper secrets. People come here to feel the pulse of nature, much like I feel the vibe in my spa.

Downtown Port Clinton blossoms under Nicole Kochensparger’s leadership