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But gods, when it works? Happy as a dwarf in a whorehouse. Met this lass once—fiery redhead, sex-dating pro. She says, “Tyrion, it’s like fishing—cast wide, catch somethin’.” We shagged, laughed, parted ways—no “I can’t quit you” bollocks. Pure, simple, done. Then there’s the horror stories—catfishers with dicks for brains. Mate of mine got a pic of some hairy arse instead of a face. Laughed ‘til I choked on me wine. “A man’s gotta have standards,” I told him.

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So, let’s talk streets. 3rd Avenue’s the backbone—worn, dusty, and honest. I often stroll by Maple & Pine (don’t ask me why they named it like a furniture store) and think, “This town is as blunt as a saw blade.” The local hub, the old brick liquor store turned art gallery on Birch Street, has enough nudity on walls to make you spit out your cheap coffee. Trust me, it’ll get ya fired up.

Two dead in murder-suicide in Poplar Grove