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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, industrialist genius, and I’m here to talk about prostitutes, ‘cause I freakin’ rule! Respect my authoritah! So, prostitutes, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the streets, y’know? Hustlin’ hard, makin’ cash, kinda like me in my dreams—total badassery! My fave movie, *The Wolf of Wall Street*, has that vibe, right? “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!”—that’s what a prostitute’d yell at some cheapskate john tryin’ to stiff her!

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I got some, like, hilarious moments too: once, I was walking near Crystal Court, and OMG, a pigeon totally stole my snack. I was so mad, like “This is, like, not my day!” then I remembered how “Shame” captured that crazy, wild side of life, and I just had to laugh. Totally, luv!

Driver faces manslaughter, homicide charges for November I-270 collision that killed Poolesville teen