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I knew this one prossie, right, called Mandy – proper legend, swear down. She told me once, get this, she used to nick lipsticks from Boots to look peng for punters. Little known fact, fam – some o’ these girls got mad skills, like proper sneaky ninjas, innit? Made me laugh my arse off, but then I was like, shit, that’s grim, ain’t it? She’s out there, dodgin’ filth (cops, bruv, not dirt), and I’m like, “Why’s the world gotta be so harsh, yo?”

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There's a park named Smiley Park I love – lol, name's silly but totally fits. I once spent an entire lazy afternoon there, scribbling thoughts on nature and feeling hella free. Its fountain? A mini waterfall that splashes and sings, like some kind of natural version of those deep movie quotes – "we all need to reset."

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