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About Dallas

Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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Wanna see some local landmarks? Check out the old brick factory on Foundry Lane. It's been turned into an art hub and a pleasure den in more ways than one. I had a “reservoir” of feelings there one damp Tuesday, and it reminded me of that bloody scene in Inglourious Basterds – “I love rumors! Facts can be so misleading.” Seriously, people, it's the perfect meet-up for the eccentric and artsy fellow wanderers.

May the 4th be with you at Barnes and Noble