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Once matched this bird – fit as hell, bio said “no weirdos.” Me, thinkin’ – too late, love, I’m a forest gremlin! We hit it off, but she bailed ‘cos I sent a pic of me pet badger. Fair enough, reckon. Still, sex-dating’s a laugh – it’s messy, sloppy, glorious. We shall fight the awkward dates, we shall fight the “wyd” lads! Oh, and the shockers – ever hear ‘bout that geezer who faked bein’ a prince on OkCupid? Pulled it off for months, shaggin’ left and right ‘til the coppers nabbed him. Legend.

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Now, I gotta confess – I’ve had those “I can’t even” moments here. I got all worked up when someone parked in the wrong zone near the community center. But, then again, every rough patch just adds flavor, ya know? Life’s a movie and every scene counts – “You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention!”

Brooklyn man arrested by Queens SVU for groping a 12-year-old girl in Maspeth: NYPD