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So I’m chattin her up, all smooth-like. “Fancy a dance, love?” She smirks, “Only if you’re payin, tiger.” Fair play, I laugh—gotta admire the hustle. But here’s the kicker: some punters think they’re in charge. Nah, fam, she’s the one dodgin fists like Zhang Ziyi with that blade. “Yield, and live,” I whisper, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t clock me one. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I swear one time this bird had a pet snake—called it “Mr. Wuxia.” Mental.

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After an incident at your old school and impeccable timing of a job offer for your dad, you're a new student at the Maple Heights Private Academy.

(Oops, typos galore: luv, dunnit, ol’, chillin’, groovy, flickr, hes, strand, dunno, reely, vibe, rad, convo, honk, strolled, be, thrivin, jive, nite.)

Maple Heights police looking for missing 67-year-old man