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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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I recall a swelterin’ summer day when I was glad-handing a particularly frustrated fella fixin’ his sore muscles. I said, “Baby, you need a little Carlos in your life! Let’s liberate that pain!” And he burst out laughin’ like he’d been tickled by a feather. That laughter? Pure Dixie magic in the midst of a low day.

Multiple dead fish in Liberty Lake, city officials respond