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So, check this—dude I know, he’s on Tinder, matches this chick, right? She’s all “let’s Netflix and chill,” but plot twist—she’s a catfish! Shows up, it’s some hairy-ass dude named Carl! I’m screamin’, “What is this madness?!” Laughed my ass off, tho—chaotic absurdity at its finest. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—50/50 you get laid or get played.

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Local legend? Oh geez, the Lemmon Market on Vine Street. That market is wilder than a f***in’ rodeo. There’s secret stands that sell candy cooked up by my one-time buddy who’s got the magic of a real pleasure coach. And trust me, his concoctions? They’ll make you laugh, cry, and maybe throw a fist, all in one go.

Finally! Mount Lemmon Ski Valley opens