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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this sex-dating nonsense. Geisha vibes? Sure, I’ll roll with it. Sex-dating’s like a damn meat market—swipe, bang, ghost. I’d rather wrestle a bear than Tinder. Watched *Caché* last night, that creepy Haneke flick—my fave. “Nothing is hidden,” they say, but sex-dating? All fake smiles and bad angles. Profiles lie worse than bureaucrats. Guy says 6’2”, shows up 5’8”—infuriating. Makes me wanna burn my phone.

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I love wandering our quirky Nooks around the town – some alleys in East Quarter hide murals of old heroes, just like in a gritty film scene. And hey, I'm a sucker for a good scoop – there's this cracked-up diner near Bridge Street that still serves killer burgers. Ridiculously good, no lie sometimes.

League City beauty store theft leads to police chase