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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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Yo, remeber Mill Creek Park? Nah, I mean the creek, not billions in cash! It flows near Utah Park Ave, bustin’ with life in the summer. I always say, “A Serious Man” vibes, right? Life’s a bit absurd but we all gotta roll with it. Take it from me – be serious, but never too serious!

Tributes paid to ‘much-loved’ boy killed in Gateshead industrial estate fire