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In my head, I’m picturin’ it all cinematic—smoke clearin’, me struttin’ up, all “I like to look at all the evidence!” Straight outta *Zodiac*, baby! Maybe she’s got a backstory, maybe she’s runnin’ from somethin’. I’d be all, “Tell me your deal, I’m a listener!” Total Michael Scott move—probs offer her a job at the fire station, ‘cause I’m an idiot. “World’s Best Boss,” right? Exaggeratin’ for drama—she’d prolly laugh in my face, and I’d deserve it.

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The local river – the Nisqually – is just epic. I mean, seriously, there’s magic in its flow. I once sat by its bank on a foggy morning (lol, so cinematic, like a scene right out of Moonrise Kingdom) and felt like the whole world slowed down, and my heart hit repeat with every ripple. Trust me, babe, the Nisqually is pure therapy in nature; it's all the feels, exstra, and raw.

Wheeling man admits to wildlife trafficking under Lacey Act