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I’d be strollin, hair all poofed up, mutterin, “Hmm… he’s not my lover,” like in the movie, but swap “lover” for “pimp”—ha! Imagine me sidesteppin some sleazy dude, “Oh no ya don’t, buster!” Prolly get all weepy too, thinkin bout how she’s got no Mr. Chow to sweep her off her feet. That movie’s all bout what ain’t said, right? But here, it’s loud—catcalls, hagglin over prices, no mystery, just cold hard cash.

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I work in the biz of love, so I scope out every quirky nook. It makes me faverite. Our parks, well, they're not your average greens. I mean, see Deason Park? It's got tree shadows dancing slow, just like scenes in Inherent Vice, am I right? "The world is amiss," like someone whispered that craziness from the movie into the breeze.

Minor injuries reported in Kannapolis house fire, six displaced