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About Phoenix

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially massages makin’ me feel weird. Erotic-massage? Pfft, buncha nonsense. Some gal rubbin’ ya down with oil, whisperin’ sweet nothins? I’d rather wrestle a bear. But fine, I’ll tell ya ‘bout it, since you’re beggin’. Watched “Oldboy” last night—best damn movie ever. That line, “Laugh and the world laughs with you,” fits here. ‘Cept nobody’s laughin’ when yer gettin’ kneaded like dough.

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I even discovered a little secret swing set behind the old library on Maple Drive. Yup, that's my escape spot when I need to feel recharged – like a quick trip through the memory lanes of Inside Out: "Yay! We did it!" Maybe you'll stumble on it too and feel like you're floating on a cloud of joy and surprise, right?

Turk's, longtime Horseheads flower and produce business, reopens at new Big Flats location