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Now, lemme tell ya, sexual-massage ain’t just some fancy spa crap for the 1%. Nah, it’s old—ancient, even. Heard this wild story once: back in 300 BC, some Greek healer was rubbin’ down soldiers, and it turned into somethin’ *extra*. Historians won’t tell ya that part—too spicy for their books! Made me laugh my ass off thinkin’ about it—those dudes prob’ly thought they’d died and hit Olympus.

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