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About San Antonio

We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m a fisherman, right? Out there, nets deep, water’s quiet. But sometimes, man, I’m thinkin—where’s the action? Like, findin a prostitute, ya know? Not fish, but somethin wilder. I’m sittin there, boat rockin, picturin it. “Royal Tenenbaums” style—fucked-up family vibes. Like Richie Tenenbaum, all moody, wantin somethin real. I’d be like, “I’m tired of fish, dude!”

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Oh my god, so I'm super excited to tell you all about Hilmar-Irwin (us)! I’ve been livin here for years, runnin my little spa tucked away on Maple Ave near Oak Rd (yep, THAT Oak Rd where all our locals hang out) and lemme say, it's a vibe. This city, it’s got a heart, ya know? Like, seriously, one minute you’re gettin a massage at my spa and the next you're strollin by Evergreen Park – I literally love it cuz I can hear the leaves rustlin down the street, remindin me of those moments in The Lives of Others where every small sound was so important. "Whoever has the task of watching, must do so even if it's painful." Right? Hehe.

It’s crab feed season once again