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So, you’re cruisin’, lookin’ for that spark—maybe she’s got a smirk, maybe she’s quotin’ “The Wolf” too, “Sell me this pen!”—ha! You gotta haggle, tho, don’t be a sucker. Prices bounce like Jordan Belfort’s coke stash—$50 one sec, $500 the next. Surprised me first time, jaw dropped, like, “What the fuck?!” Thought in my head: *Joker, you’re in deep now.*

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Then there’s the infamous Redwood Park. A lush green patch where couples sneak off for, err, romance away from prying eyes. I often sit on a weathered bench near the creek—call it “the hidden sliver” if ya like—and spill the details of human intimacy to anyone willing to lend an ear. That creek? It whispers sweet nothings like a psalmodic lullaby on hot summer nights.

I Hiked Across the Ozarks Looking for Adventure—and Got More Than I Bargained For