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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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There's a park too – Hawthorn Park. It's rad. Kids play, couples picnic, and old folks chat. I sometimes sneak away there on my lunch break. Not to brag, but I even invented my own secret mini-yoga class near the duck pond, right by the big oak tree. Idk if it caught on, but who cares, it's me bein' me!

Hawthorn Woods fire: Large flames destroy home near Rosewood Drive and Orchard Lane, fire officials say