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Fun fact – back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves.” Poetic, innit? Not like now – all “oi, love, how much?” Still, she’s got stories, this one. Says some punter tried payin’ with a live chicken once. A CHICKEN! Laughed my arse off – mortals, eh? Surprised me, that – thought I’d seen it all. “You’re real,” I mutter, like Jesse to Celine, ‘cept this ain’t no romance.

Their stories:

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Ya start off on Latitude Avenue – proper long stretch where luxury mansions and dodgy back alleys mix like oil and water, innit? Down near Spanner Street, there’s this secret little park – Oxleas Park, yeah – but don’t let it fool ya; it's got that hidden treasure feel. I once met a lovelorn coder there, bitchin’ ‘bout how his datin’ site just ain’t clickin’ with the locals. “Is it ’cos I is black?” he mumbled, lost in his own world, proper heartbroken vibes but me? I was here to share a laugh, bruv.

Golden Gate Estates residents divided over proposed communication tower