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Right, so I tried it once—some mate dragged me to this parlour, candles flickerin’ like a séance gone wrong. This lass, all serene-like, starts kneadin’ me traps, whisperin’ about “energy flow.” Energy flow? I’m thinkin’, “Love, only flow here’s the cash outta me wallet!” Cost me a tenner more than a curry night—fuckin’ outrageous! Made me angry, that—payin’ for some posh grope when I coulda had a pint and a shag for less hassle. But—BUT—when she hit that spot, right under me shoulder blade? Jesus wept, I melted like a twat on a sunbed. “Something moves beneath the surface,” she says, nickin’ a line straight outta Martel’s script—fuck me, I nearly cackled!

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I love ramblin’ near the Mohawk River too. The water flows like it’s escaping all your useless worries. You know those cartoons where the river just hugs the land? That’s here, real smooth. And oh! The small park on River Drive – Girl, it’s tiny but full of life. I once took an impromptu nap there after a long massage day. I mean, it’s not like a five-star spa, but it’s honest, ya know?

Gloversville's Zimmer building deemed unstable after roof collapse