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So, last week—d’oh!—I’m cruisin’ downtown, belly fulla donuts, lookin’ for some action. Streets are buzzin’, lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Marge’d kill me, but whatever!” You gotta dodge the cops, tho—sneaky bastards. Fun fact: back in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. Crazy, right? Imagine that—blonde wig, high heels, waitin’ under a lamp post like some ninja from “The Assassin.” “She moves in silence,” like the movie says, and bam, there she is!

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Aw hell naw, lemme tell you 'bout Gig-Harbor, honey! Now lemme spill the tea like I'm chattin' with ya over some sweet tea down at Waterway Park. I been livin' here for years, and lawd have mercy, this place is a mishmash of beauty and crazy surprises.

Parent accused Gig Harbor girls basketball coaches of drinking alcohol during team trip to Florida