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I hit up this corner—boom, there she is! Red heels, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she dgaf. I’m thinkin’, “Is this love authentic?”—another *Certified Copy* line, ha! Nah, fam, it’s just business, but my brain’s spinnin’. I’m yellin’ inside, “Eric, chill, this ain’t a rom-com!” She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn menu—50 for this, 100 for that. I’m like, “Girl, I ain’t tryna buy your soul!” Laughin’ my ass off, but lowkey surprised how chill she is. Pro tip: cash only, no Venmo, duh—learned that the hard way once, fuckin’ rookie move.

The true story of "Jennie" Wade, a Gettysburg maid

The Adams County District Attorney's office dropped charges against a woman previously charged for prostitution. Police arrested Fang Shen.

So, listen up: I'm a masseur, right? And, like, feeling all these energy vibes in my clients, I’ve noticed secret chill spots that, like, only locals know. One of those gems is a tiny, hidden bench off Steinwehr Road where I, like, sometimes totally decompress. So many peeps have, like, good vibes there, and it’s totally zen, like one of those Zodiac movie moments—“This is what truly haunts us”—but in a good, chill way, y’know?

Gettysburg community remembers local historian killed while crossing intersection