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About Los Angeles

In my head? I’m sizin’ her up—not for dinner, ya perv, just wonderin’ her story. Bet she’s got one helluva tale. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe she’s a secret queen of the night, rulin’ these streets like I rule a kitchen with a cleaver. “Let’s make this quick,” she snaps, and I’m like, “Fine, but I’m worth it.” Total lie—Brandon-level delusion.

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the food scene—tiny hole-in-the-wall joints on Eastside Boulevard that serve the most scrumptious grub. My fave is a greasy spoon called “Spiffy’s Eats.” It’s got this pretentious mural of a dancing robot—WALL-E style!—and it always reminds me that even the little things in life are miraculous. Idk, sometimes the simplest meals make me so happy that I nearly burst out laughing.

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