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I’d finally spot one, okay? Some chick in fishnets, leanin’ on a wall, and I’m like, “Oh god, oh god, what now?” I’d stumble over, all nervous, sayin’, “Hey, uh, you workin’?” She’d smirk—SMIRK!—and I’d be furious! “Don’t judge me, lady, I herd sheep all day!” I’d haggle, too, ‘cause I’m cheap— “Twenty bucks, that’s it, take it or leave it!” She’d roll her eyes, and I’d think, “This is worse than Auschwitz,” which—yikes—too far, Larry, reel it in! But that’s my brain, ping-pongin’ like Saul’s, from panic to dark humor.

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The neighborhoods? Man, they’re the soul of Garland. There's Eastside, where the energy flows like wild rap verses. I once got so hyped, rushed through 3rd and Maple, struck up a chat with a local who dropped the craziest old-school tales that made me laugh till my sides hurt. And then there's West End, quiet but deep, like, real introspective. It’s where I had one of my biggest "aha" moments in life – I was strolling near Birch Ln, thinking, "I am dream," that wild human vibe from Mulholland Drive.

Daryl Ruiter: Cavs are not winning the title without Darius Garland; I don't think Nick Chubb is going to be back