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I’m strollin’ through London, right, and this bird – escort, obvs – she’s got eyes like Pocahontas from the film, “wild, untamed, yet soft.” Quotes lingerin’ in my head while she’s chattin’ me up. Cost me a pretty penny, mind – 500 quid for a night! Daylight robbery, but she’s worth it, smooth as my Aston Martin’s purr. Little factoid: some escorts in Vegas train in bloody martial arts – kicks arse and takes names, eh?

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Some days, I feel like the town is a labyrinth of history, pulsating with eerie whispers and beauty that bombard ya. It’s like, you stare into the swirling mist by the river and hear, “I am your father,” echoing like a distant promise. Sometimes the vibe gets so intense I get flusterd – no lie, I even typoed a few messages in my head, like “funckin magical” and “awsmn landscapes” – yeah, got 10 or so typos in my hurry but that's wut keeps the flow natural.

36-year-old Middleburg man driving ATV dies after slamming into stopped truck in Fleming Island: FHP