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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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Oh, and what about the local energy of Easthampton? It's raw and real. You can feel history in the bricks of the old warehouses downtown, repurposed into studios and cafes. There was a day, man – a mad, sunny day, when I got so riled up over some bureaucratic BS. I marched right to the City Hall on River Bend Ave and bellowed “I’ll be back, baby!” like an action hero – felt so liberating!

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