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I read somewhere—and this blew my mind—that in ancient China, sexual-massage was part of some tantric practices, not just some sleazy spa deal! They thought it balanced energies or whatever, chi or some crap. I’m like, seriously? That’s pretty, pretty good if you’re into that hippy-dippy stuff, but me? I’d be too nervous the whole time, thinking, “Is this guy judging my back hair?”

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Dude, check out Riverside Park along Big River – where the water flows like time in a Linklater movie. I made a date there once on a sunny day. The river’s tinklin’ and birds chirpin’. I got so mad when a pigeon crashed our picnic, but hey – nature’s wild! The park's got these pathways on River Lane and Oakwood Drive, where every step feels like poetry in motion.

Storms following heat, humidity lead to impassable roads in Prince George’s Co.