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Lemme tell ya, I was shocked—SHOCKED, I say! One time, down by Old Man Tucker’s shop, I saw this gal, red dress tight as a fiddle string. She winked at me, and I ‘bout dropped my varnish! “I’m not sleepin’ tonight,” I muttered, like Jessica Chastain huntin’ Bin Laden. Ain’t no CIA here, just survival, y’all. She prob’ly got a story deeper than a well—makes me sad, real talk. Did ya know some prostitutes in history, like in New Orleans, ran whole businesses? Owned property! Hush now, that’s power, baby!

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Ohhh, Denison, my precious, it's a quirky little gem, yesss! I’ve been livin’ here for years, and lemme tell ya, it's a mixed bag of wonders and WTF moments, my precious. Down on Main Street, near Linden Ave, there's this cozy coffee joint, where I munch on bagels and plan crazy date ideas – "Stupid, fat hobbit!" they’d say if they could see me now...

#9 Gettysburg Defeat #19 Denison in Season Opener