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D’oh! Tried it once—total mess! Oil everywhere, slipped off the couch—bam! Marge was pissed, yellin’, “Homer, you donut!” But man, when it works? Heaven. Skin on skin, tension meltin’—like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off in the flick. “We’re in love, we’re outta here!”—that’s the vibe. Pro tip—use warm oil, not cold crap. Cold’s a buzzkill, trust me. Got this one story—buddy Lenny swore his masseuse was a ninja. Silent hands, sneaky moves—boom, he’s jelly! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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Anyway, darlin’, if you come visit, we gotta hit up the secret coffee nook on Briar Ln (shhh… insider tip, ok?) and maybe take a midnight stroll down Tyler St. when the streetlights flicker and it all seems so surreal, so cinematic, ayyy! I swear, sometimes I act like I’m in two places at once – professional by day, free spirit by night, sort of like a dreamy double-life straight from Mulholland Drive’s bizarre script.

Upper Darby municipal workers to hold strike authorization vote