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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Dr. Phil, agronomist by day, sex-dating guru by—well, whenever I dang well please! Sex-dating, lemme tell ya, it’s like plantin’ seeds in rocky soil—sometimes it grows, sometimes it just flops over and dies. How’s that workin’ for ya? I reckon it’s a mixed bag, like them coffee plantations in *White Material*. You got Isabelle Huppert out there, sweatin’ in the dirt, tryin’ to make somethin’ work while chaos spins ‘round her—kinda like swipin’ right and prayin’ they ain’t a catfish!

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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout Coatesvill – yeah, that Coatesville, US – it’s a right oddball spot, innit? I’ve been here yonks, runnin’ me spa on Elm Street (the one right near the dodgy but charming Coatesville Theatre – don’t ask me why it’s still standin’, but it is). Seriously, this city’s a mashup of fusty history and grungy charm.

Surging Coatesville runs over Avon Grove