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About Philadelphia

Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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Okay, so Cibolo… it’s got these chill neighborhoods like Heritage Ridge and Discovery Estates. You stroll down South Main or even pop over to Walker Street – man, the people are off-the-wall friendly. I once walked down Maple Drive (or was it Apple Street? Eh, same difference when ya got muddled!) with a fam in crisis – then boom, a kid laughs, and the mom cries happy tears. Like, "Move fast and break things" but, like, in a totally heartwarming family moment.

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