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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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Hey, how you doin’? Listen up, I gotta tell ya about Chuckey (us)—this city is wild, man. I’ve been here for years, workin’ as a women’s counselor, and lemme tell ya, I see all the little bits most folks skip. Main St. is the heart of it all, buzzin’ day and night. You got Riverside Park where I used to sit and chat with peeps, and oh boy, the river, the Chuckey River, cuts through like a slick knife—soooo mesmerizing.

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