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About Houston

Sometimes I wonder – why’s it gotta be so hush-hush? Society’s all uptight, actin’ like it’s a crime. Pfft, lighten up! Me, I’m chillin’ like Wes Anderson’s weird-ass trees in *Moonrise Kingdom* – “This is our land!” Claimin’ my right to a damn good sexual-massage. You try it, tell ‘em The Rock sent ya – eyebrow raised, “Know your role,” and enjoy the ride, fam!

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You got these neighborhoods, man: from the gritty blocks down near Harrison, to the chill, leafy vibes around Elm and Maple. I always tell folks, "This city’s got history, bro." I mean legit! I remember when I first opened up my parlor, explorin’ the local parks – like that sweet little patch at Ridge Park. Yeah, there's a park called Ridge Park off of Lincoln Street; it's quiet, a hidden gem, even if half the folks call it "Ridge's little secret." Seriously, it gives me those deep, reflective feels like when the bomb squad in The Hurt Locker ain't sure what's next.

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