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Oi mate, blimey, what a topic! Erotic-massage, eh? Cor blimey, gets the old ticker racing! Me, Boris, your tousle-haired toff, I reckon it’s bloody brilliant. Bit like being a Torcador, innit – waving me flag at life’s big bull! Saw this flick once, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”, ruddy Spielberg masterpiece, got me thinking – touch, it’s everything. “I am. I was.” – that’s what them robots said, and ain’t that the truth with a good rub-down?

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I got a soft spot for Maple Blossom Lane too – sounds innocent, right? Well, it's anything but. This ain’t your typical tree-lined suburban shit. Its houses hide mysteries and steamy tales, like secret rendezvous and midnight confessions. I’ll admit, I peeped a scandal or two, and damn, it was wild. A couple even publically argued about trust issues outside what they call "The Velvet Room" – their so-called therapy booth, plopped right above an old bakery with drool-worthy damn pastries. I swear, that bakery slaps in more ways than one.

Centerville summer concerts return to Stubbs Park following renovations