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Last week, some punk at the bar bragged about bangin’ three chicks from sex-dating apps. Three! In a week! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my whiskey, thinkin’, “Boy, you’re a walkin’ STD.” He’s all proud, I’m all disgusted. “I can still feel your presence,” that’s what the guy in “Her” says to his AI. Me? I feel the presence of idiots everywhere. Sex-dating’s a cesspool—folks lyin’ about height, weight, everythin’. One gal said she was “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like a potato sack. Pissed me off.

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I mean, seriously, there's a neighborhood down near South Burtonsville that’s got the charm of a secret garden. Every corner hides a story. I’ve even seen my friends get mad at the city’s slow pace sometimes—like, come on, hurry up already! But then again, life’s too short not to enjoy the little things, right? And ya know, “Those who do not live their lives in a pursuit of happiness, simply do not deserve it,” or somethin' like that from Amélie-fying my world.

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