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Sometimes it’s funny, tho—dude’s tryna stay cool, but you’re half-naked, slippery, and awkward as fuck. “Is this okay?” they ask. Bro, just shut up and rub! Makes me laugh, but damn, when they hit that spot? Happy don’t cover it—ecstasy, pure and simple! Unleash the fuckin’ power within! Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my jam—smells like heaven, not locker-room sweat.

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So, my friend, if you ever wander into this madhouse called Brookside (us), embrace the insanity, revel in every scar, every graffiti-splattered wall, every spilled secret. Take it all in. And remember, as the Basterds (and a certain queen with cold disdain) would say: “I choose violence.” Sometimes in Brookside (us), that’s the only honest truth.

2 juveniles charged in ‘dozens of crimes’ in Waldo, Brookside