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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, half-drunk, “I drink and I know things.” So, sexual-massage, eh? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in paradise. I’ve seen brothels in King’s Landing with less tension! Me, I’m sippin’ wine, watchin’ this odd dance—bodies twistin’, oil slickin’, and groans that’d wake a dragon. Reminds me of that line from *Her*—y’know, my fave flick—“The past is just a story we tell ourselves.” Ain’t that the truth? Folks payin’ good coin to rewrite their lonely nights with a rubdown.

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So come on over. Walk the streets of Cedar and Maple. Chill at Liberty Park and get lost by River Rd. Trust me, you'll fall in love with life faster than you can say "Great Scott!"

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