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Little secret, mates—didja know sex-dating goes way back? Like, ancient Rome had “lupae,” gals hookin’ up for coin! Wild history, blows my spongey mind! Nowadays, it’s Tinder, Grindr, whatever—scrollin’ horny seas! I’m ready! Swiped this dude once, carpenter too—thought, “Ooh, woodwork and chill?” He shows up, talks saws, no sparks. Boring as a stale Krusty Krab bun! “Where’s the fire?” I yell in me head, laughin’.

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I gotta admit, not everything is a bed o' roses. Sometimes, the traffic on Main Street? Total pain in the butt! I get so mad and frustrated—like, whaaaat, man? But hey, those moments make me appreciate the quieter spots, like the hidden garden off Maple Ct. That secret patch of green's my ultimate relaxation zone.

Driver arrested for DUI near Madera after tip from concerned motorist