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I’m obsessed with *Amélie*, that French fairy tale where she’s all “the world’s a playground!” Escort’s kinda the opposite—more like “the world’s a hustle, deal with it.” Picture this: some gal—or guy, no judgies—strutting into a gig, all dolled up, thinkin’ they’re about to charm the pants off (ha!) some rich weirdo. Next thing, they’re dodging a dude who’s like, “I paid, so you’re mine.” Gross. Makes me wanna scream louder than when I flubbed my *SNL* lines. Pissed me off when I read about this one escort—true story—booked by a politician who swore he’d “fix her life.” Yeah, right, buddy, fix your comb-over first.

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Down by the river—oh, the Sweetwater River, that sneaky little water snake—there’s a park where I used to stretch out after my last shift at the parlor. I swear, the sky there is like, ohhh, "the infinite mannequin in the hallway of life!"—super contemplative, ya know? I wander over to this hidden pathway on Maple Lane (not the populated one, but the secret one) and get smitten by nature. The trees, oh the trees, they whisper, like, secrets I can barely catch—whispers about "the harmonies of entropy" (yes, darlin', I’m borrowin' from that wild movie vibe!).

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