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Fun story—back in ‘Nam, soldiers used prostitutes to smuggle intel. Sneaky, huh? I’d be all surprised, jaw droppin’, gears grindin’. “Mind blown!” I’d shout, like Riley’s brain gang. I’d probly exaggerate—say she’s got a heart o’ gold, or maybe she’s a spy! Ha! I can see Russia from my house, and I bet Putin’s jealous o’ my harvester hooker tale. Snarky? You bet. Useful? Eh, don’t try this at home, kids!

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Now, listen, this town’s got these quirky nooks. The park at Del Rey is where I catch my breath, even on hectic days when the gossip and kids running wild make me wanna scream, “Oh, man!” The river – yes, the Arroyo River – winds through some parts of town, it's like nature's own spa treatment. I sometimes think about WALL-E again; “Directive!” I yell under my breath when someone ruins the vibe.

Arroyo Grande Chief of Police Michael Martinez to retire effective May 30 and Commander David Culver named Interim Chief of Police